In Chains and In Freedom

Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free

Now nothin' can take you away from me
We been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

-"Heaven"- Bryan Adams


It has been fifteen years since he has passed from this world and I still can not forget him. I look back wishing that I had more time with him but I have learned over the years to simply cherish the memories I have.

Many would claim I abandoned him, walked away in 2235, which is not true. Being a woman who knowingly has rejected her husband and has found herself with child requires some sacrifices to save face but not many. My friendship with Vala, Kedron’s first wife, now matriarch of the house, and her understanding of the situation allowed me to have some of my most cherished memories.

Vala is many things but we share one thing in common, our devotion to Lord Thero. When it had neared my time to give birth to Adira, Vala publicly expressed her cloistering with me, allowing Kedron to be there. He had 5 sons already, all strong and politically or military minded but he wanted desperately a daughter to teach to sing. The Matriarch has always bore great love for him and would have given it of herself but a medical problem had lead to her inability to bear anymore children. She had approached me and said, “Deljah, my husband’s happiness is my first priority and I see in you both his happiness and his wishes.” She placed her hand on me. “She will be your daughter and his daughter and she will be my daughter.” She walked away without another word.

I have never seen such joy in a man as the moment his eyes first fell on Adira. I remember the tears as he held her for the first time. I cried too, from sorrow. I watched him cradling his daughter and knew he would have to miss most of her childhood, which he would have gladly given the world for.

My fondest memory though, the one that I hold closest to my hearts happened two years later. Kedron had come to stay at our house with Adon his youngest son on the pretense of training Kailin in Tronno. He did actually teach but it was the moment of his arrival that I never forget. He walked in the door and I came rushing out with Adira and his face lit up like a child. He gave me a hug and took Adira in his arms. She looked at me in surprise.

“Father.” she said and hugged him and we both broke into tears. She had never said that word and she hadn’t seen him since a few weeks after she was born. I had many duties to attend to and with Lord Tyree in the house it tends to deter any affection. When evening came around I went to find Kedron but no one had seen him or Adira for hours.

I found them both in the guest suite. He was lying on the bed asleep with Adira on his chest. It was a sight that could melt anyone’s hearts. I spent my night sleeping there with my daughter and her father, the only one we spent together as a family and I was beyond joy. I remember everything about that moment the time, the smells, the sound of both of their breaths. It was the only moment in my life that I could say was perfect.

I had spent years hearing that I was too young, I should walk away from such an old man. I assume that Adira is facing many of the same challenges only more acutely based on the social gulf between her and the Ambassador. I see them together and I see my own joy as well as theirs. The society is cruel and unrelenting especially to the woman, labeled a mistress, a whore, a women who seeks the silly notion of love and worse at times. Adira is already facing such challenges and her attitude is, well as stubborn as a stone wall. She has told me that she would die before she walked away from Londo; I saw it in her eyes that she was speaking not from her mind but from her hearts.

You can see that they are truly in love every moment they are together, they are always close, always touching each other somehow and they kiss with a passion that most rarely find. I worry for them both. I am all too aware of the trials they will face and I hope that their love will endure. I dream sometimes that I may yet attend a noble wedding in the court and I hope for their happiness each day.