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Greatest Strength
Aug. 11th, 2005 03:55 pmNote: This entry was found in a hand written journal uncovered during a search of Adira’s carry on possessions following her murder during her arrival to Babylon 5.
I have often been called a strong woman by both friends and enemies. While sitting here on the cusp of a great change in my life I am left to wonder what has made me so strong. Just sitting here on my way to Babylon 5 with enough status (from my singing and not my house mind you.) to keep the court quiet has defied everyone’s expectations. Sometimes even my own.
I still wonder what makes a person, what makes me, strong enough to defy the odds. It is true perhaps it was sheer stubbornness but I doubt this is the sole source. I could say perhaps my love, that was my drive to succeed but was it truly my strength through everything. Even my ability to love falls to the wayside as I have not always been in love nor have I always had someone there for me so it must be something else.
I am left remembering a conversation with Lady Mariel a few days ago. We had met to talk out our differences because despite all things we had been dear friends long ago and there is something that drives you to seek that comfort even when they have betrayed you. I am left to wonder if it is not my ability to forgive and nurture others that truly makes me strong. Mariel has mentioned on many occasions that my honesty and my forgiveness or ability to forgive is what both attracts people to me and frightens them. I am still not exactly sure what she has meant in saying this but in an odd way it makes sense.
I have a great many friends because I am honest and I can overlook many subtle flaws and ill decisions. In the end I would suffer greatly to save a friend and that is in my opinion the source of my great stubbornness. It is the reason that I can care for Londo as I do. To have labored so hard to be able to be at his side. When I look at him I don’t see all the mistakes of his past, we all have those. Instead I see a strong, loyal, confident man who would give the worlds for me and when I see that I find one of things in this universe that is worth everything to me.
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theatrical_muse
I have often been called a strong woman by both friends and enemies. While sitting here on the cusp of a great change in my life I am left to wonder what has made me so strong. Just sitting here on my way to Babylon 5 with enough status (from my singing and not my house mind you.) to keep the court quiet has defied everyone’s expectations. Sometimes even my own.
I still wonder what makes a person, what makes me, strong enough to defy the odds. It is true perhaps it was sheer stubbornness but I doubt this is the sole source. I could say perhaps my love, that was my drive to succeed but was it truly my strength through everything. Even my ability to love falls to the wayside as I have not always been in love nor have I always had someone there for me so it must be something else.
I am left remembering a conversation with Lady Mariel a few days ago. We had met to talk out our differences because despite all things we had been dear friends long ago and there is something that drives you to seek that comfort even when they have betrayed you. I am left to wonder if it is not my ability to forgive and nurture others that truly makes me strong. Mariel has mentioned on many occasions that my honesty and my forgiveness or ability to forgive is what both attracts people to me and frightens them. I am still not exactly sure what she has meant in saying this but in an odd way it makes sense.
I have a great many friends because I am honest and I can overlook many subtle flaws and ill decisions. In the end I would suffer greatly to save a friend and that is in my opinion the source of my great stubbornness. It is the reason that I can care for Londo as I do. To have labored so hard to be able to be at his side. When I look at him I don’t see all the mistakes of his past, we all have those. Instead I see a strong, loyal, confident man who would give the worlds for me and when I see that I find one of things in this universe that is worth everything to me.
Crossposted t
theatrical_muse
